33 & counting

I used to keep a 'journal',
I suppose you'd call it, 
full of one single subject- 
this being suicide letters. 
I used to frequent this journal quite often. 
Sometimes they'd be addressed sort of universally,
sometimes more direct & personal. 
Many of the letters started as 
"Dear Amanda,"
... 
Toward the end of my 22nd year, 
in 2002, 
I realised that the desperation was useless. 
I put that book in a fire one night, 
& I've never written such a letter since.